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Showing posts with label imported article. Show all posts
Showing posts with label imported article. Show all posts

30 July 2010

Enid Blyton's novels to be modernised


Source: ABC

Phrases like "awful swotter" and "mercy me!" look set to vanish from children's vocabularies for good, with publishers announcing they are re-editing Enid Blyton's classic books.

The publishers of Blyton's children's books, such as the Famous Five series and Faraway Tree series, say they are erasing some words and phrases from the novels to replace them with modern versions.

Words and phrases reportedly getting the chop include "house mistress", which will be replaced with "teacher", "school tunic" which will be pasted over with "uniform" and "dirty tinker", which now becomes "traveller".

But children's literature experts say it is tragic that these expressions could be lost forever.

Children's Book Council president Maj Kirkland told ABC Radio that the language in Enid Blyton's books is unique and loved by children.

"Well we could say let's not stop with Enid Blyton, why not change Shakespeare?" she said.

She says language is specific a time and place and is defined by the context in which it is used.

Ms Kirkland says children understand this.

"My son loved the Faraway Tree. He enjoyed the words as well and he used to walk around the house saying 'awful swotter'," she said.

"Young people are often underestimated.

"Children don't always have to know exactly what the word means to enjoy the sound of those words."

Ms Kirkland says language is constantly being changed and she says efforts should be made to retain historical works.

"We're in a state of change so much. We have text language that we use on Twitter and how quickly does that change?" she said.

She says strange words used in Blyton's novels actually help children expand their vocabulary and become better communicators.

"It's a good chance for the adult and the child to talk about what it meant at the time," she said.

"They do build their vocabulary and build their understanding of the world."

She says if the books are going to be changed in any way the publishers could instead publish a glossary at the end of Blyton's books to explain unfamiliar words.


My two cents: I grew up reading Enid Blyton. The earliest book that was read to me, the first book I read to myself, and the books I collected as a child were all written by Enid Blyton. I bonded with both my parents over her books, as they had also grown up reading them. I was transported to a time before my own, with charming language, engaging characters and a sense of naiveté that I wish most children were able to keep. I also claim she is the reason I have always been mainly a fantasy reader. The only problem I ever had with Enid Blyton was her passive racism – but I think that was a product of her time, rather than an act of hate. I know some of her books have previously been in the headlines because her use of golliwogs in Noddy (which were substituted in a politically correct re-release of her stories in the 80s), and I have to say I saw them as dolls as a child, not as humans, and I was too naïve to realise their cultural origins until it was pointed out to me years later. Calling gypsies “dirty tinkers” is a sign of the times also. This racism still occurs today, yet it is never really touched on by the media – and history ignores the fact that they were also targeted by Hitler’s death camps.  What I am alluding to is different from the above story. I was kind of surprised that this article mentioned the “dirty tinkers” phrase in the context of editing Enid Blyton’s novels yet didn’t expand on it. It didn’t talk about racism, cultural insensitivities or ageing mores, just that it has dated slang. Despite the fact that we have all grown up with these books, and their inherent racism, it does appear, according to this article, that the books are being re-released solely because of the dated colloquialisms? WTF? I am taken aback. Those words and phrases have been dated for decades – even my mother growing up in the 60's and 70's wouldn’t have used these in general usage. And I don't think it matters that the words are no longer in our everyday usage.I think that broadens a child's mind. I know it did mine. I still love reading a lot of pre-80's children's literature, and I am fascinated by the colloquialisms that have passed in and out of fashion over the years. And they do come back. I am distraught. I think Enid Blyton's books will loose their charm! What do you think?

25 June 2010

Review: The Ivory and The Horn by Charles de Lint

When I was at university I took a sociology subject called Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror in Popular Culture. Half of the class were sociologists, the other half, like me were either nerds or nerdy sociologists! So the class was an absolute riot. We learnt a lot, and it is fascinating all the cultural motifs present in speculative fiction (Übermensch and superheroes, Neo is Christ, as well as concepts like Zero Worlds, The Other and The Abject etc). The main assignment was to take all we had learnt and to make a fanzine. That sounds like easy task to you, but the thought behind all aspects of it, as well as appealing to a fan base meant there was a whole semester's work put into it. I got a high distinction for mine, and my lecturer was genuinely interested in my project. I couldn’t choose to do simply "fantasy" or "science fiction", I had to find a niche market. That was about the time I was getting into urban fantasy, so I choose to focus on Alternate Realm Fantasy. I can't remember what I called it, but it was basically dealing with faerie, parallel worlds, heaven and hell dimensions etc. I hooked up with some artists from the World of Froud forum, and my friends contributed reviews, short stories and artwork. I bundled all together in an attractive parcel and made a website. I was just getting into web design back then, so it was built on geocities (in its heyday) and unfortunately when geocities died, I had to move it. I saved a copy of two of my reviews, and I though I would share them with you. Just be warned that these are from when I was 19, so they are fairly... obvious in their youth.

The Ivory and The Horn
A collection of short stories by Charles de Lint


This is the first book of Charles de Lint's that I read. There is a bit of a story to my discovery of his work, so please bear with me and I'll make it a short as I can. A couple of years ago, when I relocated to the city closest to our farm, I became a member of its library. That in itself doesn't sound remarkable but I love reading and had already read out three libraries. This new library was bigger and provided me with so much joy; being a voracious reader is quite difficult with limited resources. As well as having normal multi-genre shelving, there were also three rotating stands full of fantasy paperbacks. Before delving into the rows of packed shelves I would always check these, finding many books I hadn't previously discovered. This is where I met authors such as Elizabeth Moon, Rosemary Edghill, Janny Wurts, Gene Wolfe and Sean Williams. I kept coming back to The Ivory and the Horn but I always seemed to find something more tempting One day I decided to max out my card and I again happened to pick up The Ivory and the Horn, except this time I didn't put it back down. I started reading it on the hour-long drive home but I just couldn’t get into the first story (Waifs and Strays), and decided to read one of my favourite novels instead. As fate would have it, I mislaid the book and didn't return it with the others. A couple of weeks later I was having a book-drought so I picked The Ivory and the Horn again. I skipped the first story but returned to it after I had finished the book. Charles de Lint has a gift of making the every day take on mystical qualities, and reveal the secrets hidden within. This book had introduced me to Newford, a city somewhere in Canada or the northern United States, where there are people such as Bones, Jillly, Coyote, Sophie, Geordie and the Crow Girls. De Lint intertwines Celtic and Native American folklore into the fabric of reality and re-weaves it in such a way that the world becomes a strange new place, while still being the world we are all familiar with. I truly recommend any readers who have not yet discovered Charles de Lint to start their education with this book. It will initiate you in to a whole new world, and nothing will ever be the same again. I would secondly recommend that you skip the first story Waifs and Strays and read it last. It is a great story, but you need to get used to the writing style before attempting it. De Lint has written many stories - novella and novels as well as short stories - and they are all worth reading. He also writes under the pseudonym of Samuel M. Key, so don't forget to check for those books as well. I really recommend Mulengro and From A Whisper To A Scream!

Just FYI, this was written in 2003 when I was 19. God I feel old!

Review: Green Monkey Dreams by Isobelle Carmody

When I was at university I took a sociology subject called Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror in Popular Culture. Half of the class were sociologists, the other half, like me were either nerds or nerdy sociologists! So the class was an absolute riot. We learnt a lot, and it is fascinating all the cultural motifs present in speculative fiction (Übermensch and superheroes, Neo is Christ, as well as concepts like Zero Worlds, The Other and The Abject etc). The main assignment was to take all we had learnt and to make a fanzine. That sounds like easy task to you, but the thought behind all aspects of it, as well as appealing to a fan base meant there was a whole semester's work put into it. I got a high distinction for mine, and my lecturer was genuinely interested in my project. I couldn’t choose to do simply "fantasy" or "science fiction", I had to find a niche market. That was about the time I was getting into urban fantasy, so I choose to focus on Alternate Realm Fantasy. I can't remember what I called it, but it was basically dealing with faerie, parallel worlds, heaven and hell dimensions etc. I hooked up with some artists from the World of Froud forum, and my friends contributed reviews, short stories and artwork. I bundled all together in an attractive parcel and made a website. I was just getting into web design back then, so it was built on geocities (in its heyday) and unfortunately when geocities died, I had to move it. I saved a copy of two of my reviews, and I though I would share them with you. Just be warned that these are from when I was 19, so they are fairly... obvious in their youth.


Green Monkey Dreams
A Collection of Short Stories by Isobelle Carmody


This is a book of strange short stories. Carmody's writing style is beautiful and simple and she is the author of various series including the Obernewthyn Chronicles, the Legendsong saga and books such as Greylands and Scatterlings. Typically her novels can be found in the young adults fiction section, but I believes it limits her appeal. Her new series Legendsong: Darkfall, Darksong and Darkbane (yet to be published - I'm waiting with baited breath) can now be found in Adult Fiction. She has been one of my favourite authors since first reading Obernewthyn nearly fifteen years ago and I can truly recommend all to read her novels. Green Monkey Dreams is a collection of short stories, all are worth reading but for the purpose of this article I will just cover the relevant stories. The blurb on the back cover better invokes that which is stored within, so I will quote it here:

Within it you will roads of paradox on which an angel might be a torturer, or a princess reject a prince to save a rooster. These are paths travelled by seekers of the difficult deepest truths never found on straight road; here a boy searches for his truename, a group of pilgrims is led by a song on a ancient journey and a beast discovers hope.

Enter this world and you will never again be sure where reality ends and imagination begins, for sometimes the greatest truths can only be told through the imagination...
(Back cover of Green Monkey Dreams)

The Glory Days
This tale is truly magical! It is breathtaking and haunting, and anything I write will never capture that magic. This is a story you need to read for yourself - if it was legal I would type it up for you as it is a wonderful piece - but as it is not you will have to find the book and read it for yourself...

This is the story: a girl of the citystate called Freedom is sent to spy on Glory, the citystate which worships a figure called the Angel. She meets Angel who calls himself Sorrow while she is Anguish, for their love can only cause pain. The Angel cult of Glory is preparing for the Geddon, the days when the lives of humans will finally be extinguished - when the spirits will loosen their grasp on the flesh and rise to heaven.

It is the time after the worldwars, when the world killed itself. The people are now living in 20 or so citystates: Freedom is home to democracy and believes all have the right of choice, Serenity is where peace is the ultimate, and drug use is common place, Winter is the sister-city of Freedom and its walls are built of whitest stone, and Glory where the populace live for Glory, following the High Path of Harrowing.

They ask me to write down all I remember of the Glory days. A hard thing, because there is so much of Sorrow in the telling. My mind shies away from it, looping backwards and forwards in time.

Last night, I thought of a girl I grew up with in the sister-house who told me that minebirds sing a song just before the deadly gases kill them, to lift their souls to heaven.

Wakened this morning by the bells that toll the beginning of the solar day in Freedom, I tried to remember her name, and found I could not even recall her face.

Hearing the bells ring now, for dusk, I realise an entire day has passed like the blink of an eye, and it comes to me that if death is a kind of a song that lifts the soul out of the body, sorrow, too, can steal a soul and carry it away.

Perhaps that is what is wrong with me.

Yet the story must be told, and there is no other but me to tell it. I must make them understand that there are many Sorrows in heaven, waiting to be sent to us as Angels of death. I have told them of course, but they nod soothingly and their eyes glide away. They think I was too young, blaming themselves.

But if I learned on thing in Glory, it is that flesh is the greatest lie.
(page 3)

Seek No More
This is about a boy living in an orphanage. He is ostracized and teased because he is pale of skin and silver of hair. One day Buddha and his gang chase him into the cemetery. He starts to read the headstones to find his parents name, as he was abandoned on a doorstep. Noah has dreams where a man speaks to him a shining man of Faerie. This is when Noah knows he has Faerieblood and starts to search for his truename.

Noah is about to be adopted by a family and so his search becomes more important. His search is unexpectedly aided by Buddha and his bullies when he stops running and scares them (he looks anaemic and haunts a graveyard - would you be scared?)....

Phoenix
William hails Ragnar as princess and she gets dragged into a make-believe 'game' that she is a princess exiled from another world where she is a child of the gods. William is a soothsayer, a sage, here to help and guide her. All this is fine until they see Torvald her prince come to rescue her. But in this world he is a student at Ridhurst Grammar School, home to the bullies who mistreat Ragnar. As Tor and Ragnar are destined to marry all is well until Ragnar overhears Tor with his school mate.. then everything goes wrong and their worlds are shattered.

The Worldroad
This is a disorientating piece to do with dreams. Dream upon dream upon dream upon dream world upon world upon world; just when you get to think this is Reality you wake and realise it was a dream. All these worlds/dreams have three things in common. Jilia the Dreamer, Random the guy who is lost or becomes lost and green flying monkeys trying to get in. Every time you wake you question your last experience and every time there is something really weird about identities. It is a breath-taking read and you are thrown when the ride halts and you thought there was more -I had to reread it, just to relive it and try and make heads and tales, it sure was an experience - the fascination and revulsion you feel for the green monkey beasts is strong:

‘Why don’t you let them in?’ Jilia asks, starting at the face pressed at the window, small and wizened with greenish fur. The creature’s eyes are as white and soft as peeled grapes. Behind it, there is a milky blur that might be wings. (page 198)


Carmody, Isobelle. 1996. Green Monkey Dreams. Viking: Ringwood, Victoria.

You can find out more at Isobelle Carmody's homepage: http://www.carmody-online.com

Just FYI, this was written in 2003 when I was 19. God I feel old!

09 June 2010

Top 10 Difficult Literary Novels

 

Source: http://listverse.com/2010/06/07/top-10-difficult-literary-works/
Reading a good book or poem is one of life’s joys, and once in a rare while a good book can change your life forever. Great literature often demands we meet the authors’ ideas on their own terms, and the experience is not always comfortable. Growth seldom is. Submitted for your review are ten literary works that demand much of the reader. Some of you may scorn the choices here, but who among us hasn’t struggled with a book or poem that failed to capture our attention? If that’s you, then congratulations. I have a near-mint copy of “Great Expectations” you can read while the rest of us go through this list.


10. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

I have always wanted to read Tolstoy, but I think he is one of those authors I would leave for a rainy day. Maybe I should take it with me when I backpack around Mexico? I had planned to only take one book with me to last throughout those months LOL

In this corner, weighing in at 2.6 lbs and 1,296 printed pages, Tolstoy’s “War and Peace”, considered by some to be the greatest novel ever written, as well as the book most people lie about having read. In fact, many people have read it just to say they did. And that’s a shame, because Tolstoy can write beautifully, either as an omniscient narrator or when writing directly from the character’s point of view. However, the book’s very title is a (deserved) punch line for overly long tomes, and that remains the primary obstacle to reading it. Similarly daunting is that the story employs no central character or storyline to really latch onto. As a result, it wanders in and out of subplots that could have been full books in their own right, and that proves highly frustrating–the reader is left feeling he has traipsed through this novel rather than read it. So then, how do you read it? Fans say it’s best to read a few chapters at a time, keep notes, rent the film, and then be sure to “do something special” to celebrate after you’ve finished it. Really? Tolstoy deserves better.


9. Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand


Ayn Rand’s magnum opus explores a dystopia where the productive class refuses to be exploited any further by society. As the government takes more and more control over industry (cough, General Motors, cough, AIG, cough, health care, cough), the most productive citizens simply retreat to follow a cult leader (John Galt). Their point is that any society will stop functioning if its most rational and productive are not free to pursue their own self interest. The book closely mirrored Rand’s philosophy of Objectivism, which stressed primacy of reason, individual rights, and laissez-faire economics. Liberals hated the outright rejection of socialism, while conservatives deplored the implicit atheism, though, ironically, the book can be seen as a treatise favoring Aristotelean philosophy and the concept of the existence of a God figure. So both sides competed in dismissing her work as “for teenagers” (a bit harsh), and “strident without relief” (kinda have a point there). Worse, however, are the interminable character speeches. All but the most fanatic skim or skip those entirely, and devotees recommend taking on the 1,000 page book in small doses, over a long period of time.


8. Moby Dick - Herman Melville

I read this as a child. I loved it! It was one of the first "big books" I read. It was an effort, but I think it was worth it.

Some readers finished “Moby Dick” and joined Greenpeace, just to prevent this type of suffering from ever happening again. Not for the whales— for the readers. The prose is impossibly thick and the attention Melville lavishes on whaling techniques borders on obsessive compulsion. For a 600+ page work, the plot is graciously described as “minimal”. Some Melville fans even encourage first timers to listen to the audio book while reading. Others suggest smaller reading sessions, capped off with a Cliff Notes chaser to explain what just passed before your eyes. Privately, most readers will tell you this story could have been told with 200 fewer pages, and still be the important work it is today.


7. The Gulag Archipelago - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s hellish account of persecuted, imprisoned, tortured, and murdered dissidents in Stalin’s Kafkaesque forced labor camps, the Gulags, evokes my deepest sympathy. But that doesn’t forgive the pain he dishes out in “The Gulag Archipelago”. This not-quite-objective-history, not-quite-memoir, “literary investigation” weaves endless depressing narrative threads, using prose seemingly designed to punish. The palpable sense of despair and apathy comes less from the text, but from the reading thereof, and it forces most readers to abandon the fight (and that’s what it is – a fight), even when the cause is so noble. RIP, Aleksandr.


6. Foucault’s Pendulum - Umberto Eco
 
I read this as a teen. I went through a period of loving his books. The covers were pretty, which is why I picked one up during a dry patch at my local library.

I know people who have read this book cover-to-cover and remained completely baffled, just so they could say it didn’t beat them. Umberto Eco is a learned man, and he wants you to know that he’s put in the hours at the library. He also wants you to put in the hours, too. Eco admits to being intentionally difficult, and deliberately put 200 pages of history into the “The Name of the Rose” to discourage the merely curious. He repeats this trick in “Foucault’s Pendulum”, with no effort to advance the plot or develop characters. Fans read Eco with a dictionary at hand, raving that his books are “for the strong of spirit, people with perseverance, willing to struggle in order to reach the ultimate truth that only the very few have mastered.” But “Foucault’s Pendulum” goes out of its way to make you feel like a Luddite prole, ignorant of what passed for Italian science, philosophy, and necromancy in the Middle Ages. And yes, you WILL feel like a drooling, knuckle-scraping mouth-breather until the halfway point, where Eco believes you’ve suffered enough, and hastily adds a plot so you can “achieve ultimate truth through perseverance.” Armchair psychologists will note how Cognitive Consistency rears its ugly head here. This is literary EST. This book is significantly easier to read if you have a broad foreknowledge of esotericism. (Which luckily I do!)


5. The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne

I bought this book on Gail's recommendation, but I haven't read it yet.

The animosity some people have for this book is startling. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s masterwork unfolds in 17th-century Puritan Boston, where its heroine, Hester Prynne, has a child out of wedlock as a result of an adulterous affair. She is caught by church elders and forced to wear a large, scarlet “A” on her clothing, as a sign of her sin. Resolute, Hester soldiers on with dignity and repentance- something in short supply in modern days. Also in short supply is any modern love for this meandering melodrama. Even its fans admit you may need a dictionary, and that you can easily get lost in the multiple pages of descriptive digressions. Hawthorne himself admitted to adding a complete chapter (“The Custom House”) only because the book was otherwise too short to print.


4. The Waste Land - T.S. Eliot


I read this at university and loved it... A lot of it is obscure, and it is only through rereading it, and with a wide body of knowledge behind you (which luckily I do LOL) that you can make sense of it. I love it anyway! Luckily it had notes, because the only language aside from English that I could read was German (and I had to look up the translation for Lithuania). There was a section in Burial of the Dead that I fell in love with and it fired my imagination. I loved some of his other poems included in my copy, but the love song of Prufrock is not one of them.

Beware any literary work where the inscrutable Ezra Pound had a hand in editing. This tremendously dense modernist poem is told in five parts and abruptly shifts between characters, time, place, and languages (English, Latin, Greek, German, and Sanskrit) with nothing more than the reader’s own erudition to make the connection between passages. Eliot is extremely well-read but isn’t trying to confuse his audience— he simply won’t compromise (beyond the less-than-instructive footnotes) to convey his meaning as directly as possible. Often he makes his point using literary allusions to authors such as Homer, Sophocles, Petronius, Virgil, Ovid, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Dante Alighieri, William Shakespeare, Edmund Spenser, Gérard de Nerval, Thomas Kyd, Geoffrey Chaucer, Thomas Middleton, John Webster, Joseph Conrad, John Milton, Andrew Marvell, Charles Baudelaire, Richard Wagner, Oliver Goldsmith, Hermann Hesse, Aldous Huxley, Paul Verlaine, Walt Whitman and even Bram Stoker. Eliot also makes extensive use of Scriptural writings including the Bible, the Book of Common Prayer, the Hindu Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, and the Buddha’s Fire Sermon, as well as cultural and anthropological studies such as Sir James Frazer’s “The Golden Bough” and Jessie Weston’s “From Ritual to Romance”. This “summer reading list” approach is highly economical, but can be maddening for the reader. Countless books and an excellent hypertext website have been written trying to wring the full meaning out of the lines. They enlighten, but only partially succeed. I will one day meet Mr. Eliot, and between hymns to our Maker I will pester him about this poem until I finally understand it (“Lucy, you have some ‘splainin’ to do!”).


3. Naked Lunch - William Burroughs


The tale of how this book came to be is far more interesting that the book itself. Burroughs (a member of the so-called beat-generation) was living in Tangiers and addicted to heroin. During his highs he poured page after page from his typewriter. He took all of this work and cut it to pieces – then re-joined the papers in random order. The resulting text was sent to his friend Allen Ginsberg (of “Howl” fame) and it was published. An obscenity trial followed, as well as outright banning in various parts of the United States due to its depiction of pedophilia and child murder. The book itself is a difficult read, as sentences seem to just end without warning and new sentences begin half-way through. It is a book that needs to be read from beginning to end to finally get an overall picture – which is bizarre, ethereal, obscene, exciting, and horrifying. It will be one of the most difficult books you have ever read, but in the end it is actually worth it. Burroughs wrote a number of other books using the same original material of Naked Lunch which continue the vignettes in the first book.


2. The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner

I am in two minds about this book. I had trouble reading it because I hate reading about racism, incest and rape. I loved some of the imagery. In particular, there is a section about time passing narrated by Quentin. I also detested the stream of conciousness style for this particular novel, despite appreciating it in other novels. It was effective, but hard to keep up with the thoughts when they took up most of the page. I had trouble dealing with a lot of the more unsavoury aspects of this novel - mostly to do with the inbred family. 

Imagine a librarian with Alzheimer’s reading Tennessee Williams and you’re on your way to understanding “The Sound and the Fury”, which examined whether Old South ideals could survive the American civil war. Following the post-bellum demise of an aristocratic Southern family, the book’s stream of consciousness technique produced countless (and lengthy) narrative digressions that were more sensations than plot events, and that occurred without punctuation to mimic the random thought patterns of the human mind. What critics don’t say is how this results in paragraph-long sentences that get completely wrapped around the axle. One fan comments ‘you’ll need all your resources of unflagging attention, tenacious memory, and orthographic competence with dialect just to grasp the central events of the story, but even then you may be frustrated by the realization that the story isn’t the centerpiece of the book.”


1. Finnegan’s Wake - James Joyce

I have read A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I can see why James Joyce is hailed as a brilliant author, but he isn't to my taste.

Quote “Finnegan’s Wake” in public and you risk being committed to an asylum. Internet searches on “most difficult” and “hard to read” novels unfailingly recognize “Finnegan’s Wake” as the most difficult work of fiction in the “English” language. There’s a reason for those quotation marks— in most places Joyce just made stuff up, including the language he used to write the damn thing. Chock full of neologisms, puns using neologisms, ancient slang, and portmanteau words, “Wake” is profane, sublime (to some), and alas, totally unreadable. Some scholars believe it was written as an unsolvable hoax, even as others maintain websites to help readers parse the inscrutable text.

Have you read any of these, and did you find them so "difficult" to read as this list suggests? I didn't find the ones I had read as easy as reading a trashy paperback, but my eyes weren't bleeding either. Two of them I even read as a child or young teen... How about you?



03 May 2010

Dark Tower movie deal being negotiated

OMG!!! It looks like they are making a movie based on Stephen King's Dark Tower series! There has been rumours, but now there are names! I have to admit that I only read The Gunslinger so far. This is because my friend Sami owns them, and I moved to Sydney and couldn't borrow the rest. They are on my "Will Buy It One Day" list, and I guess that day will be soon... I hope they have the same awesome covers at Galaxy that she has. I remember how much I loved The Gunslinger, and also The Talisman (which is obscurely connected to The Dark Tower series), so I think I will definitely be interested about seeing the movie. Of those books in or related to The Dark Tower series, I've only read The Gunslinger and The Talisman. I guess I need to get my act together and buy the rest. Here is the article I was reading:

Source: Cinema Blend.com

It’s been rumored for years and now it’s finally happening. Deadline say Stephen King’s masterful fantasy series “The Dark Tower” is headed for theaters. As part of a deal being worked on at Universal (but not yet completed) the seven books which comprise the Dark Tower story will be condensed into three movies, in a script written by Akiva Goldsman and to be directed by Ron Howard.

The deal is also said to include a package which will result in a Dark Tower TV series, though how they’d pull that off in addition to the movies is a complete mystery. Will the three films cover only three of the books, leaving the TV series to cover the rest? Or will they combine all seven books into three films and then create a TV series which picks up where the final "Dark Tower" book leaves off? We won't know until the deal is finalized and Howard starts talking. King is reportedly working on an eigth novel which tackles a different storyline from "The Dark Tower", that could be possible fodder for the TV series as well.

What’s clear here is that, however they split it up, done properly The Dark Tower could be the next Lord of the Rings. King’s books follow a wandering Gunslinger named Roland, the last of his kind, as he wanders across dimensions and other worlds on an endless quest to find the Dark Tower, a fabled building said to be a nexus between worlds. The stories are massively epic in scope and cross over all sorts of different genres. It’s more than just fantasy, it’s science fiction, it’s horror, it’s gut-wrenching drama, and it’s part old-school shoot-em-up Western. The character of Roland is in theory more of a wandering knight than a cowboy, but in appearance and disposition, it’s as if Clint Eastwood wandered off the set of one his classic Wild West tales and into a Stephen King novel. This could be huge.

I say could be, because there’s one problem. His name is Ron Howard. Ron is a fine choice if you’re looking for sappy, schmaltzy Oscar-bait but it’s hard to imagine him tackling the darker, more horrific elements of The Dark Tower with any success. Earlier in his career I might have had more faith in his ability to do this. The guy who made Backdraft and Apollo 13 seemed like he might have something tense and edgy somewhere inside him. But I’m not sure I believe the director of Cinderella Man and A Beautiful Mind is capable of anything like this. I hope I’m wrong because done right, The Dark Tower could be brilliant; an epic, unforgettable Oscar winner.

At one point JJ Abrams was supposed to be developing The Dark Tower into a feature film but back in November that fell through. Now it’s about to end up in the hands of Ron Howard. We’ll let you know as soon as this is confirmed as a done deal.


What do you think? Is this something you would want to see, or are you worried they will screw up story lines, characters and all the other things we bibliophiles worry about when our beloveds are converted into a different medium?

22 April 2010

Sherrilyn Kenyon "Note to Dark-Hunter fans"

Thank god she explained this! It has been driving me mad! Especially as I just reread some books before reading Bad Moon Riding. BMR has a completely different timeline for Nick, and it was screwing with my mind! Lay on MacDuff!
Source: Sherrilyn Kenyon's Facebook Notes



The Chronicles of Nick *is* Nick’s real and true past. There is a huge surprise (several actually) in the book that I don’t want to spoil, but when you read the book, everything you think is an inconsistency will make perfect sense to you. More than that, you will understand exactly why Nick is the way he is and why he continues to hate Acheron the way he does. But you have to be patient. All will be clear on May 25, 2010.

Nick’s series will run until it intersects with Night Pleasures and then Nick will have his own novel in the Dark-Hunter world.

Book one, Infinity, begins when Nick meets Kyrian.
Book two will pick up the next day after Infinity ends and will be out Feb 2011.

Remember the one promise that I try to keep in every book: Just when you think you know the truth about a character or event, you find out that things are seldom what they seem. Nick is one of those characters. There’s a lot more to our little Cajun than what you’ve seen to date. That’s why it takes 12 books to tell his story.


There are many, many secrets you’ll learn about a lot of characters, including Cherise and especially Jaden and Jared. Just hold on... you ain’t seen nothing yet :)

15 April 2010

Twilight ranks among 'most challenged' 2009 books in America


 Source: ABC.net.au



The bestselling vampire-themed Twilight book series has entered the top 10 list of books US schools and public libraries were asked to remove from their shelves in 2009.

The American Library Association (ALA) report rates Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series fifth on the 2009 list -- its first year in the annual compilation.

The books, which have been turned into a blockbuster film franchise, have been challenged for their religious views, and for being sexually explicit and unsuitable for their targeted age group.

But the ALA's worst offender is Lauren Myracle's young adult novel series, ttyl, written entirely in the style of instant messages.

The series, which came top of the 2009 list, was challenged for nudity, offensive language and drugs.

And although they are no longer in the top 10, JK Rowling's Harry Potter series landed atop the 100 most frequently challenged books of the 2000-2009 decade.

Objections to the bestselling tales of the boy wizard have been raised over perceived anti-family and occult themes.

The ALA's Office for Intellectual Freedom defines a challenge as a formal written complaint filed with a library or a school's request for the removal of material from bookshelves or a school curriculum.

The ALA Office for Intellectual Freedom's director, Barbara Jones, says it received 460 such reports from a variety of sources in 2009, although few were successful.

"Even though not every book will be right for every reader, the ability to read, speak, think and express ourselves freely are core American values," she said.

Harper Lee's 1960 Pulitzer Prize-winning classic To Kill a Mockingbird came fourth because of challenges on the grounds of racism and language.

Other books in the top five included And Tango Makes Three by Pater Parnell and Justin Richardson, and The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.


Edit (19/4/2010)
Here is the top ten, and their reasons for censorship:

1. ttyl, ttfn, l8r, g8r (series), by Lauren Myracle
Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs

2. “And Tango Makes Three” by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson
Reasons: Homosexuality

3. “The Perks of Being A Wallflower,” by Stephen Chbosky
Reasons: Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Anti-Family, Offensive Language, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs, Suicide

4. “To Kill A Mockingbird,” by Harper Lee
Reasons: Racism, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

5. Twilight (series) by Stephenie Meyer
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group

6. “Catcher in the Rye,” by J.D. Salinger
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

7. “My Sister’s Keeper,” by Jodi Picoult
Reasons: Sexism, Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs, Suicide, Violence

8. “The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things,” by Carolyn Mackler
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

9. “The Color Purple,” Alice Walker
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

10. “The Chocolate War,” by Robert Cormier
Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

02 March 2010

Sherrilyn Kenyon: Why does it take so long for a book to be published?

I follow Sherrilyn Kenyon on facebook, as well as twitter, myspace etc, and she has the most interesting blog entries some times. Here she answers the age old question on why it takes so long to get the books we crush after...



Source: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=333803070809

Why do I have to wait so long for the next installment? These are questions I get a lot and so I thought I'd answer them in one long post :)

The short answer is: Sometimes it's the publisher ie it takes a bit to get a book out. Sometimes it's not ie it takes a long time for the author to write the book.

The long answer:

How a book is written. The author gets an idea for the next book in the series and writes it. This can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years depending on things I'll discuss in a moment. But let's say it's a typical book that takes the average 4-9 months to write.

Book is then handed in to editor. Editor then needs time to read the book. It's a myth that big writers aren't edited. They're actually edited a lot more stringently than other authors because the publishing house has invested a lot more money in their careers. Instead of just an editor reading the book, it's also read by the marketing director, the publisher and others who can weigh in on it in addition to the editor. What a big name author gets is the ability to have more pages and to take more chances with the plot and to veer from popular categories. The content is always fully scrutinized and I can tell you from personal experience that some of the chances I've taken have made many people at my houses sweat bullets :)

Editor passes book back to author and author needs time to go in and make corrections. This can take a few days or a few weeks depending on the problems found and the solutions needed. Book goes back to editor.

Copy-editor now reads the book and makes stylistic changes and locates (hopefully) factual and time line errors as well as logic errors missed by all previous parties. Again, none of these steps are truncated or omitted for big name authors and they all take time to do. Reading for mistakes is radically different than reading for pleasure and takes a lot more time. Everybody makes a flowchart :)

Book goes back to author who then has to go through and answer and fix, if necessary, every single comment made by the CE. Again can take days or weeks to do.

Book returns to publishing house where it is now reviewed by a production editor who often sends in queries about spellings and style issues that seem inconsistent. They can also point out additional mistakes in plot if they find them.

Book is now set and turned into galleys which are the printed page of the book before it's trimmed and bound into an actual book. These are sent to the editor who reviews them and then to the author who reviews them. I have three sets of galleys. 1 for me, 1 for Kim and 1 for hubby to review to see if any of us can find any last minute errors and fix them before the book is released. Believe it or not, mistakes still happen even though it's passed through that many hands. Again, this takes a few days or a couple of weeks.

Book goes back to publisher who then binds it into a final product. Now in addition to this, behind the scenes while it's being written, the publisher is having marketing meetings, art meetings, sales meetings, etc. All of which takes months to put together for every single book. Catalog and back cover copy must be written. Sales people have to pitch the book to their accounts and author and editor and art dept must fight tooth and nail over every cover (not always, but more times than not). Marketing, editor and author must fight over titles.

Also there is what's called a "lead time" which is the 4-6 months before a book comes out that it's presented to accounts to be ordered. You can't just drop a book in a month before it hits the shelves and expect it to be in stores on time. The buyers need time to place orders and those lead times are crucial (they are also what determine print runs). Additionally, you have lead times for advertising which varies by media and publication. You can't call up RT or the NYT and say that you want an ad in the next month's or tomorrow's issue. They work months ahead too with advertising. My walls are covered with advertising deadlines for various places. Then there's the time needed to plan and execute a tour which again takes months to put into place.

Then there's the time needed to ship the books to the warehouses and stores. Personnel need time to pack and unpack and shelve the books. All of this takes a lot of time and it's done for every book.

Now that is if everything goes well. Sometimes snafu's happen and can delay the books. A shipment is lost. A production error where books are found to be missing pages, etc.

Come with me now to what happens if there's a problem writing a book...

Unfortunately writers aren't machines. We all wish we were, but we're not and things happen to us that can delay books even more.

When you get a kernel of an idea for a book, you think you know how it'll lay out. Writers are usually surprised at how little control they have over their characters and the plots. They take directions you never see coming and sometimes they hit brick walls. I can't begin to catalog how many times I've thrown a book out and started it over on deadline.

I have one basic philosophy that will never change and it's this: I will never, ever put a book on the market that I think isn't my best work. I will never, ever ask a reader to pay for something I rushed or something I do not believe is 150% my best work. For whatever reason, you may not like the book when you read it, but I can look all of you in the face and say I did my absolute best and I'm sorry you weren't happy. But I thought it was great otherwise I wouldn't have handed it in. I look at it this way: My name on a book is a personal guarantee between me and you that it is the best book I can write.

I will not rush a book. I won't. I don't have deadlines. Yes, I have times when the publisher needs the book turned in, but every publisher I have will tell you that I don't write to those. I would rather have a book pushed back and delayed than put something on the market that isn't my best work. I don't think it's fair to the readers or my characters and I will never give any of you anything but my full attention and my hardest work.

Therefore, I tell my publisher when I "think" a book will go in. Sometimes I'm right. Sometimes I'm terribly wrong. Ash's book was one example. That sucker took a lot longer to write than I anticipated it would. Darkness Within is another one. The BAD series is a huge one. With BAD, I knew what I wanted to do with the series, but I couldn't get the books there on my own. I can't tell you how many times I started Phantom and threw it out. It was such a frustration and as I was plotting with Dianna, trying to come up with new ideas I realized that she had the missing ingredient that I wanted and couldn't do on my own. Since her ideas were so fresh and perfect, I asked her to help me write the series and I wanted her name on the books because I didn't think it fair to her or you guys that she contribute to the books and not get credit. Now we're a team for both BAD and Belador which was her "BAD" experience. Her strength is suspense and mine is paranormal. So for those two series, we've combined our strengths and our voices into a unique blending of the two.

I don't know why some books come fast such as Dance with the Devil which was written in less than three weeks and others such as Ash take years. I wish I did. I wish they all came fast and furious. But I do know this, you never know going in if the book will be fast or long to write. Some books and characters just take time for whatever reason. It's as frustrating for me as it is for the fans who are waiting.

Likewise some series take longer to manifest ideas. I don't know why and it frustrates me. I've had the partial book for the Scot for sometime, but I can't get the book to finish. No idea why. Nevermore is another example of this. But rather than wait on the ideas, I move on to other series and ideas so that you guys don't have to wait years between all my books. What's weird is that I actually have 4 more series than you guys have heard about. Will I ever write them? I don't know.

I don't know how my brain works or even where ideas come from. I just know that in order to write and finish a book, I have to be enthralled with it. It has to burn inside me like a fury. I have to live it, feel it, breathe it, need it. If I don't, I know it's not a great book and I won't work on it until I have that fever inside me for it. I think that's why so many of you tell me that the characters seem so real to you- because when I'm writing it, they are real to me.

So to make a long answer even longer, in the case of Darkness Within, I am at fault for it taking so long to come out. I have thrown out two fully completed versions of the book and started over because in my opinion, it wasn't good enough for you guys to read. I'm very sorry. In addition to that, I got really, really sick which has interfered with my normal writing schedule. I didn't realize that an infection was leaking poison into my body. All I knew was that I wasn't feeling good. This led to surgery and it will take me months to recuperate from start to finish. I'm told 8-9 months if everything goes well. Longer if it doesn't. Right now everything is going well and there's no sign of further infection. Everything seems to be healing well. 6 months to go, fingers crossed.

Other things that interfere with writing: Twitter, FB, MySpace and emails. Even something as simple as answering when is such and such book coming out will take a couple of minutes to write. It's why there are long periods of me being quiet. I'm not ignoring you guys, I'm trying to work :) And I get a lot of questions from you guys. Not that I'm complaining, I'm only explaining things that take time away from writing that are work related and need to be done. Likewise appearances and tours. It's hard to write on the road and there are times such as while I'm at appearances where I can't write at all. A lot of appearances means fewer books I love spending time with you guys, but I do have to have time to write :)

In the case of the League books, I switched publishers for that series and because of their lead times, they couldn't get it into their process any sooner. April 2011 was the earliest date they could manage. For that too, I'm sorry, but there was nothing I could do about it.

For all of you writing in to tell me that your saddened by the delays, I feel your frustration. I'm grateful you're so desperate to read the books and I beg your understanding as to why it's taking so long for some of them to come out. I write absolutely every single day- 365 days a year. Anywhere from 10-50 pages depending on the day. Unfortunately, not all of the pages are worth keeping. As I love to say just because it's written in blood doesn't mean it's carved in stone and not everything I write is gold. Most times I have to pan the nuggets out of a lot of dirt :)




I've always wondered, not getting narky, just extremely frustrated because it takes so long to get the next book. I tend to read voraciously, so it is quite frustrating to finish a new release and wait a year for the next installment in a series. Add to all that, I don't read hardcovers, so have to wait for the paperback to hit the shelf *sigh*

15 February 2010

RIP Dick Francis

Oh Noes!!!!! *sob* No new Dick Francis novels!! :'( He was one of my favourite writers from a young age, out of my collection, only his rivals my Nora Roberts novels in number. He died peacefully on Sunday (?time zone?) at his home in the Cayman Islands. He had such a fabulous career, first as a jockey to the Queen Mum and the Queen, and later as a mystery author. His books tended to be centred around the racing industry, and you could always tell he "knew his stuff". As a girl raised surrounded horses, whenever I would read one of his novels I would be transported away, I could feel the heat to the horses, smell their sweet breath and hear the powerful lungs breathing. I would get caught up in his tales of suspense, intrigue and greed, whilst at the same time be homesick for the farm and my own horses. I love his novels, and I will really miss Dick Francis. He was an amazing man, and amazing author, and holds a strong place in both the racing scene and the world of fiction.





 Oh, I just found out Sherrilyn Kenyon is a fan to :'( Its just so bloody sad...





Source: http://www.smh.com.au/news/entertainment/books/2010/02/15/1266082230224.html

Dick Francis, thriller writer and ex-jockey, dead at 89


Dick Francis, the best-selling British thriller writer and former champion jockey, has died in his home in the Cayman Islands. He was 89.

A successful steeplechase jockey, Francis turned to writing after he retired from racing in 1957. He penned 42 novels, many of which featured racing as a theme. His books were translated into more than 20 languages, and in 2000 Queen Elizabeth II - whose mother was among his many readers - honoured Francis by appointing him a Commander of the British Empire.

His son Felix said he and his brother, Merrick, were "devastated" by their father's death, but "rejoice in having been the sons of such an extraordinary man".

"We share in the joy that he brought to so many over such a long life," Felix said in a statement. Francis' spokeswoman Ruth Cairns said the writer had died on Sunday from natural causes, but did not elaborate.

During his writing career, Francis won three Edgar Allen Poe awards given by The Mystery Writers of America for his novels, Forfeit (1968), Whip Hand (1979) and Come to Grief (1995).

He also was awarded a Cartier Diamond Dagger from the Crime Writers' Association for his outstanding contribution to the genre. The association made him a Grand Master in 1996 for a lifetime's achievement.

Aside from novels, Francis also authored a volume of short stories, as well as a biography of British jockey Lester Piggot.

In recent years Francis wrote novels jointly with son Felix, including Silks (2008) and Even Money (2009). A new novel by the two, Crossfire, will be published later this year.

"It is an honour for me to be able to continue his remarkable legacy through the new novels," Felix said in his statement.

Richard Francis was born on October 31, 1920, as the younger son of a horse breeder in Tenby, South Wales. During World War II he joined the Royal Air Force in 1940 and was stationed in the Egyptian desert before being commissioned as a bomber pilot in 1943, flying Spitfires, Wellingtons and Lancasters.

A few years later he returned to his father's stables and became a steeplechase trainer's assistant. Later, as a professional jockey, he won 345 of the more than 2,300 races he rode in between 1948 and 1957, taking the title of Champion Jockey for the 1953-54 season.

His most famous moment in racing came just a few months before he retired, when, riding for Queen Elizabeth, his horse collapsed inexplicably within sight of certain victory in the 1956 Grand National.

Despite his many successes, he had expressed regret at never winning the prestigious Grand National.

"The first one I rode in I was second, and the last one I rode in I won everywhere except the last 25 yards. I would love the opportunity of having another go, but it's a young man's job," he said once during an interview with the BBC.

Francis' first book, published in 1957, was his autobiography, The Sport of Queens. His first novel, Dead Cert, came out in 1962 and was followed by a new title every year since.

He also worked for years as a racing correspondent for Britain's Sunday Express, and retired in the British Caribbean territory of the Cayman Islands.

Francis is survived by his two sons as well as five grandchildren and one great-grandson, Cairns said. A small funeral will be held at Francis' home on Grand Cayman, followed by a memorial service in London, she said, but could not say when they would be held.

08 February 2010

Interesting things found in books

Source: http://www.neatorama.com/2010/02/06/interesting-things-found-in-books/

AbeBooks asked their booksellers to reveal what items they have found inside the books that pass through their hands.  They reported many instances of discovering credit cards and banknotes, including this heartbreaker:
“A wealthy, elderly woman in my town died a few years ago and left a large book collection with many fine books, much of which wound up in my inventory. The remaining books went to a local thrift shop, including a microwave cookbook which, as it turned out, contained 40 $1000 bills. The book was purchased by someone from out of town who was idling away the time waiting for her ride. She took the money to a local bank to verify its authenticity and that was how we heard about it. She didn’t give a cent back to the thrift shop, either. A deeply frustrating experience for many, I can assure you.”
Other items have both monetary and historic value:
“Inside a volume, one of eight bought at a local garage sale, I found a charming child’s Christmas card with the inscription “Merry Christmas to Harry from …..(fairly illegible). About two years later while trying to decipher the signature, the name suddenly revealed itself….”from Frank Baum.”
Other dealers have found items such as a Mickey Mantle rookie baseball card, a golf scorecard signed by Don Drysdale and Sandy Koufax, a diamond ring, and a variety of other odd and unusual items, including the inevitable… strip of bacon.
Perhaps most impressive is this report from Bookride:
Eight relief hand-coloured etchings [by William Blake] discovered by a book collector between the pages of an international rail timetable bought in the late seventies from a ‘North London book dealer’, and recently acquired by the Tate for £441,000. Apparently, the reason suggested as to why the dealer hadn’t bothered to check through the huge timetable before putting it out for sale was because it was so ‘ boring’.
What have you found?  Or what have you lost?  Do you use something odd as a bookmark?



Jacq: I collect bookmarks and have a facination with them. I plan on writting some bookmark entires at BookBites at a later date!

Aurealis Awards 2009

Source:  http://thememesofproduction.org

The winners of the 2009 Aurealis Awards for Australian Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror were announced at the thirteenth annual ceremony at the Judith Wright Centre of Contemporary Arts in Brisbane on Saturday 24 January 2010.

BEST SCIENCE FICTION NOVEL: 
Andrew McGahan, Wonders of a Godless World, Allen & Unwin

BEST SCIENCE FICTION SHORT STORY: 
Peter M. Ball, ‘Clockwork, Patchwork and Ravens’, Apex Magazine May 2009

BEST FANTASY NOVEL: 
Trudi Canavan, Magician’s Apprentice, Orbit

BEST FANTASY SHORT STORY (Tie): 
Christopher Green, ‘Father’s Kill’, Beneath Ceaseless Skies #24
Ian McHugh, ‘Once a Month, On a Sunday’, Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine #40, Andromeda Spaceways Publishing Co-operative Ltd

BEST HORROR NOVEL: 
Honey Brown, Red Queen, Penguin Australia

BEST HORROR SHORT STORY (Tie): 
Paul Haines, ‘Wives’, X6, Coeur de Lion Publishing;
Paul Haines, ‘Slice of Life – A Spot of Liver’, Slice of Life, The Mayne Press

BEST ANTHOLOGY: 
Jonathan Strahan (editor), Eclipse 3, Night Shade Books

BEST COLLECTION: 
Greg Egan, Oceanic, Gollancz

BEST ILLUSTATED BOOK/GRAPHIC NOVEL: 
Nathan Jurevicius, Scarygirl, Allen & Unwin

BEST YOUNG ADULT NOVEL: 
Scott Westerfeld, Leviathan Trilogy: Book One, Penguin

BEST YOUNG ADULT SHORT STORY: 
Cat Sparks, ‘Seventeen’, Masques, CSFG

BEST CHILDREN’S (8-12 YEARS) NOVEL: 
Gabrielle Wang, A Ghost in My Suitcase, Puffin Books


BEST CHILDREN’S (8-12 YEARS) SHORT FICTION/ILLUSTRATED WORK/PICTURE BOOK: 
Pamela Freeman (author), Kim Gamble (illustrator), Victor’s Challenge, Walker Books Australia

01 February 2010

Surfer's [Reading] Paradise

Source: ABC

Surfers look at books on a set of 30 bookcases set up on Sydney's Bondi Beach by a Sydney furniture store on January 31, 2010. To take a book, people are being invited to swap one of their books for a book from the shelves or make a gold coin donation, with all donations going to The Australian Literacy and Numeracy Foundation.

12 January 2010

Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author



reposted from http://laurenleto.wordpress.com/

J.D. Salinger
Kids who don’t fit in (duh).
Stephenie Meyer
People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3>
J.K. Rowling
Smart geeks.
Jack Kerouac
Umphrey’s McGee fans.
Jeffrey Eugenides
Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.
Lauren Weisberger
Girls who can’t read. Or think.
Jonathan Safran Foer
30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.
Jodi Picoult
Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.
Chuck Klosterman
Boys who don’t read.
Chuck Palahniuk
Boys who can’t read.
Christopher Hitchens
People I would love to hang out with.
Leo Tolstoy
Guys I want to date.
Fyodor Dostoevsky
Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).
Christopher Buckley (or William F. Buckley)
People who love excess verbiage.
Ayn Rand
Workaholics seeking validation.
David Foster Wallace
Confirmed 90’s literati.
Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)
Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.
Haruki Murakami
People who like good music.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
People who can start a fire.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.
Charles Dickens
Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.
William Shakespeare
People who like bondage.
Mark Twain
Liars.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
People who drink scotch.
Joseph Conrad
People who drink old fashioneds.
Dominick Dunne
People who get their class from Vanity Fair.
Anne Rice
People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.
Edgar Allan Poe
Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.
Michael Crichton
Doctors who went to third-tier medical schools.
John Grisham
Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.
Dan Brown
People who used to get lost in supermarkets when they were kids.
Dave Eggers
Guys who are in the third coolest frat of a private college.
Emily Giffin
Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.
Richard Russo
People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.
Anais Nin
Librarians.
Margaret Atwood
Women whose favorite color is hunter green.
William Faulkner
People who are good at crosswords.
Jackie Collins
Your drunk stepmother.
Nicholas Sparks
Women who are usually constipated.
James Patterson
Men who score a 153 on their LSAT exam.
Sylvia Plath
Girls who keep journals (too easy).
George Orwell
Conspiracy theorists (too easy).
Aldous Huxley
People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.
Harper Lee
People who have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).
Nick Hornby
Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.
Ernest Hemingway
Men who own cottages.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
People who get adjustable-rate mortgages.
Vladimir Nabokov
Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Sommeliers.
Bret Easton Ellis
Foo Fighters’ fans.
Hunter S Thompson
That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo.
Cormac McCarthy
Men who don’t eat cream cheese.
Thomas Aquinas
Premature ejaculators.
Pearl S. Buck
Women whose favorite president was Harry S. Truman.
Toni Morrison
Female high-school English professors who only have an undergraduate degree.
Thomas Pynchon
People who used to be fans of J.D. Salinger.
Elizabeth Gilbert
Women who liked the movie “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” but didn’t read the book.
Rebecca Wells
Women on the East coast who wish they were from the South.
Tama Janowitz
Cougars who went to an urban college in the 80s.
Alice Sebold
People who liked Gilmore Girls – even in the first season.
Michael Swanwick
Men who argue Neil Gaiman is overrated.
Terry Goodkind
People who have never been dungeons master but still play D&D.
Stephen King
11th graders who peed their pants while watching the movie It.
H.P. Lovecraft
People who can quote the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons.
Brothers Grimm
Only children with Oedipal complexes.
Lewis Carroll
People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene.
C.S. Lewis
Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.
Elmore Leonard
People who know how to perform a “Michigan left”.
Shel Silverstein
Girls who can’t spell “leheim”.
Douglas Adams
People who bought the first generation Amazon Kindle.
Tucker Max
Guys who haven’t convinced their girlfriends to try anal yet.
Alexis de Tocqueville
Political theory and constitutional democracy majors.
Tom Clancy
People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym.
Herman Hesse
People who own one straw chair in their house.
Phillippa Gregory
Women who have repressed their desire to go to Renaissance Festivals
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Men who can’t lie but will instead be silent if they know you don’t want to hear the truth.
Susan Wiggs
Older women who are surprisingly loud during sex.
Nicole Krauss
Girls who intern at Nylon but end up moving back to the Midwest for their real job.
Mitch Albom
People who didn’t go to college but do well on crossword puzzles.
Stieg Larsson
Girls who are too frightened to go skydiving.
Sue Grafton
Women who have an @aol.com email address.
Seth Grahame-Smith
People who own a smart phone which requires a stylus to use it.
David Baldacci
No one. Even the police say Clancy before they’ll say Baldacci.
Michael Pollan
The girl who just turned vegan to cover up her eating disorder.
Andrew Ross Sorkin
People who refer to themselves as “playing devil’s advocate”.
O. Henry
Men who have names like Earl or Cliff and were really close with their paternal grandfather.
Virginia Woolf
Female high-school French teachers who have their master’s degree.
Michael Chabon
People who hate Ayelet Waldman.
Ray Bradbury
People who own golf head covers.
Joseph Heller
People who love buying drinks for their friends. See also, people who cringe when they see their bar tab.
David Mitchell
Women who live in any area of Brooklyn other than Park Slope, but may end up there someday and if that day comes, they will switch to Barbara Kingsolver fans.
Max Barry
People who don’t mind the color orange.
Dean Koontz
People who would never dream of owning any type of “toy” breed dog.
John Irving
People whose parents are divorced.
Richard Dawkins
People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.
Salman Rushdie
People who google image search Padma Lakshmi late at night.
Albert Camus
People who went to art school after “trying it out” at a public university.
Kurt Vonnegut
People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot. Longer explanation here.
James Joyce
People who do not like John Cusack movies.
Charlaine Harris
Elementary school teacher’s aids.
Jorge Luis Borges
People who took care of their dying grandparents.
Terry Pratchett
People who really like monkeys.
Oscar Wilde
People who can’t resist anything. See also, people who claim they’re going to change but never do.
Truman Capote
People who would never dream of owning anything that could be classified as a “knick-knack”.
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